Charmed JOKES!!!

[matthew]

Alright, this threat is for Charmed Jokes. ;D Jokes thats Related to the Charmed Sisters or anyone else on the Show can be posted here. ;D

Only two Jokes can be allowed Per threat, to keep it from confusing the readers. ;D

However remember to keep it Clean!!, I know dirty Jokes are much funnier than the Clean ones. But Still I would like to ask you to Keep it Clean!!!.


So I start to Give you Guys an IDEA of how the Jokes Can be:


Piper's Brilliant Idea

Leo and Piper were both patients in a Halliwell Mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Leo suddenly jumps into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Piper Immediately jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Leo out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Piper's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Piper the news she said, "Piper, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. But the bad news is, Leo, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Piper replied "Oh, He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. So How soon can I go home?"


Hope You all Enjoyed that Joke, Now Give it a Go!!!

[Esmeralda]

Suggestions from a different site:

POSSIBLE CHRISTMAS EPISODES:

1: At Christmas time, Piper's younger son vanishes and the family looks for him. The title of the episode is "Merry Chris miss"

2: The sisters encounter three very trampy, scantily-clothed female demons that hang around the city street corners after dark. They are called the "Ho Ho Ho trio"

3: Victor become Santa Claus and gets stuck in the chimney.

[Esmeralda]

Hope this doesn't count as a double-post, but I think you guys might get a giggle out of this old siggy of mine:

Prue's not the only one upset. So is Shannen!
Click on the link to check out:
The magazine issue you'd NEVER see at a bookstore!
Although children under the age of 18,
get your parents' permission first.

Thanks to Primrose_Empath (for the siggy) & Paydnz (for the idea and the magazine cover)--two originals!

[Esmeralda]

Found these at The Demon's Jumble and very simply HAD to share!! I know I'm violating the "two jokes per post" rule, but I simply couldn't choose two and didn't want to take credit for jokes that aren't mine. Enjoy!!

Charmed-style Answering Machine Slogans:

!. Hi, you have reached The Halliwell Manor. The Halliwells have gone to battle a demon but Grams' spirit is around and will gladly assist you.

2) Hi, you have reached The Charmed Ones. We are not at home so please leave a message on the spirit board

3) Hi, you have reached Zankou. If you want me to be in a fancy glamour when I come to kill you, please leave a description of the person I shall turn into as well as your address

4) Yo, Woogs here, after the beep you will be possesssed

5) Blessed be, sir or madam, you have reached the Elders. We are sorry but we can't tell you anything. You can't leave a message either. Yes, we are completelely useless.

6) Hello, Chris Perry speaking. Leave a message and I will come back from the future so I can get back to you. Just remember, I can't tell you anything!


Light bulb Riddles

1) How many avatars does it take to change a light bulb?

The whole collective but the TCOs will force them to reverse it anyway so they don't bother.

2) How many Woogys does it take to change the light bulb?

Woogys don't change lightbulbs, they possess them

3) How many Zankous does it take to change the lightbulb?

It would take only 1 but before changing the lightbulb he always wanders off to search for the Nexus.

4) How many Elders does it take to change a light bulb?

They've left TCO in the dark about a lot of things for years. Why change now?

5) How many Phoebes does it take to change a light bulb?

None. She's far too busy changing her outfits to be bothered with housework.

6) How many Prues does it take to change a light bulb?

Why would Prue change them? When Shannen found out she was going to be kicked off the show, she made sure that it was Prue who broke all the light bulbs in the first place.

7) How many Coles does it take to change a light bulb?

None. He is the Source of All Evil. He prefers the dark.

8) How many Darryls does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it depends. After all, he has to check with TCO to see if the lightbulb is broken due to magical reasons, and if so, he has to let them fix it.

9) How many Charmed Ones does it take to change the light bulb?

Three.

Phoebe has a premonition that the lightbulb needs changing, Paige tries to orb the new light bulb into its place but misses and Piper blows the whole d**n thing up.


Answers to: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Billie: I am sssure it wanted to find itssss sssissster!

Piper: To flee from the Angel of Destiny - it didn't want to become a frozen chicken!

Coop: Don't know, I was not sent down for this chicken.

Christie: Because the triad wanted it to cross - its sister and the road.

Prue: I just hope it wasn't for personal gain.

Piper: That chicken will be screwed.

Phoebe: Was he a sexy chicken?

Paige: Cross? Why not just orb?

Cole: Only upper-level chicken can cross the road.

Patty: Just leave him be. He has his reasons.

Grams: Darling, what's your problem with that chicken?

Victor: See? I told you, you can't trust chicken, they're sneaky little bastards.

Wyatt: Goo goo ga ga goo?

The Source: What... is this... chicken? Oracle, what could this mean?

Leo: I'm going to go and check with the Elders.

Chris: I remember a story about a chicken from the future, but I can't tell you about it...

Natalie: Crossing the road is against the rules.

Darryl: Please, don't tell me. I don't wanna know about chickens.

Andy: I bet Prue has something to do with that chicken.

The Crone: I feel a strong presence in that chicken. It has potential.

Andras: I have enraged this chicken so it crossed the road!

Barbas: A chicken crossing the road .. is that your greatest fear?

Avatar Alpha: to weaken the collective .. d**n chicken

Elder Odin: it was the chicken's free choice and nobody knows who put the corn line across the road, right?


General jokes

Walking home after a witches' night out, Phoebe and Paige pass a graveyard and stop to pee. Paige has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Phoebe, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, Henry talks to Coop, furious: "Paige came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," Coop sighs. "Phoebe came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

---

Piper and Leo are in bed:

Leo: Sorry honey, I've got to go.
Piper: WHAT? Go where?
Leo: A charge needs me.
Piper: I need you.
Leo: Bye (orbs out)
(Orbs into a bedroom)
Phoebe: Finally. I've been calling for 10 minutes.

---

Paige was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told Henry, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You shall know tonight", he said.

That evening, Henry came home with a small package and gave it to Paige. Delighted, she opened it - only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

---

What was Phoebe's favourite subject in school?
Spelling

---

Leo, now mortal and in his 80s, calls Wyatt in New York one November day. "Wyatt, I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the Manor. Piper and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and Chris shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."

He hangs up, and Wyatt immediately calls Chris and tells him the news.

Chris says, "I'll handle this." He calls the Manor and says to Leo, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We'll be there Wednesday night."

Leo agrees, "All right."

He hangs up the phone and turns to Piper, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?"

---

Did you hear about that Phoebe has frozen to death at the
drive-in theater?

She went to see "Closed For The Winter"

---

Little Chris is taking a shower with his mom, when he asks, "Mommy, what are those things on your chest?"

Not wanting to answer Piper quickly changes the
subject.

The next day Little Chris goes up to Phoebe and asks "What are those things on Mommy's and your and Auntie Paige's chests?"

Phoebe replies "Well, Chris, those are balloons so that when one of us dies they will inflate and make us float to heaven".

A couple of days later Piper comes home early from work and is greeted by Little Chris, who runs out and says "Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Phoebe is dying!"

Curious, Piper asks him "Honey, what are you talking about?"

Little Chris replies "Well, Uncle Henry is blowing up her balloons and she's yelling 'Oh God! I'm coming' ".

---

Why does it take Phoebe so long to proof her column?

It's hard to read a computer screen covered with white-out.

---

Piper, Paige and Phoebe jump off a building...who arrives last?

Phoebe, of course...she got lost on the way down and had to ask for directions.

---

The mailman arrives at the Halliwell Manor on the last day before retirement, to be greeted by a scantily-clad Phoebe. She takes him to her bedroom, where they have hours of mind-blowing sex. She then fixes him a wonderful meal.

When he is ready to leave, she slips him a dollar bill.

"What is that for?" he asks.

"Oh, when I told my sister that this was your last day, Piper said screw him, give him a dollar! The meal was my idea. "

---

Prue, Piper, and Paige are killed by a demon, and float up to heaven. There an elder tells them that because they're the Charmed Ones, they automatically get into heaven, but their earthly lives will still determine how well they live there.
"Basically we will look at how moral you are and assign you your transportation according to that. So the sl*ttier you are, the worse off you'll be."

The elder turns to Paige and looks at her records.

"Paige, you've been pretty moral, but there have been all those slampieces. So you will get an old Ford."

He then turns to Prue and looks at her records.

"Prue, you've been very moral, but not completely perfect. Therefore we will give you a BMW."

He turns to Piper, looks at her records, and gives an impressed nod.

"Piper, you have been the most moral of the sisters, having married and commited to a monogamous relationship with Leo. How you managed to do that with a pantywaist like him, I don't know, but for reward we will give you a Rolls Royce."

So the sisters get into their cars and drive off through the heavenly gate.

One day Piper is driving in her Rolls, when she spots Prue rolling around the ground, laughing hysterically. She stops the car, and walks towards Prue.

"Prue, what's so funny?" she asks her sister.

"I just saw Phoebe."

"What's so weird about that?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

---

So Phoebe finds a magic lamp with a genie inside. For her first wish, she says, "I'd like to be ten times smarter."

The genie turns her into Paige.

Paige says, "Wow! This is cool! I understand selflessness now! I'd like to be ten more times smarter!"

She is turned into Piper.

Piper suddenly realizes, "Hmm, things aren't as great as I always thought they were. I now understand that dressing like a sl*t isn't all it's cracked up to be. Darn. I want to be ten thousand times dumber, please."

The genie turns her into Leo.

---

So one day Holly and Eilish are in a mall, and they happen to run into each other at the book store. As luck would have it, somehow a burning candle is left unattended, and the store catches fire. The flames are quickly doused, but not before Eilish's face is badly burned.

Being the kind person she is, Holly donated some skin from... ahem ... her "backside" ... for skin grafts. Obviously neither one tells anybody where the skin is from, since it's kind of embarrassing. But, oddly, Eilish looks better than she ever has before, and keeps getting compliments.

One day she calls Holly up and says, "Thank you so much, Holly. I don't know how I could ever repay you!"

To which Holly replies: "Think nothing of it. I get thanks enough every time I see Brad kiss you on the cheek!"

---

Phoebe goes to the store and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The salesman says, "Sorry, Phoebe, but we don't sell to you."

So, Phoebe goes home and casts a spell to glamour her into Paige.

The next day, she goes back to the store and says, "I'd like to buy that TV."

The salesman says, "I'm sorry, Phoebe, but we don't sell to you."

Frustrated, once again, Phoebe goes home, casts a spell to glamour herself into Piper and then goes right back to the store. "I'd like to buy this TV."

Again, the salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to you, Phoebe."

Finally, she asks, "How do you know I'm Phoebe?"

The man said, "Because that's not a TV; it's a microwave."

---

Piper and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from San Francisco to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? Piper, tired and unable to freeze him due to a crowded plane, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches Piper's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Piper doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes Piper, and hands her $500.00. Piper says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes Piper again and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, Piper reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

---

Phoebe, Piper, Prue and Paige are stranded on a rock in the middle of the sea. The only way off the island is to swim to the mainland, 4 miles away.

Prue swims 1 mile, but Shax pays her a visit and she now swims with the fishes.

Paige swims 2 miles, but her insecurities on whether she can live up to Prue's reputation drowns her ... literally.

Piper swims 3 miles, but one very energetic stroke causes her to blow herself up.

Phoebe swims 3.99 miles, feels tired and swims all the way back for a rest.

---

Piper's idea of a perfect day:

Wyatt is on the cover of " Newsweek. "

Chris is on the cover of " GQ. "

Her home is on the cover of " House And Gardens "

Her boyfriend is on the cover of " Playgirl "

Phoebe and Leo are on the back of a milk carton.

---

What do you call Piper standing between Phoebe and Paige?

An interpreter.

---

Leo orbs into the kitchen one day, and he's holding a cardboard box. Paige is there making a potion, and notices that there seems to be music emanating from the box.

"What's in there?" she asks.

Wordlessly, Leo opens the box and pulls out a small man playing a mini grand piano. Paige gasps in both surprise and amusement. She asks Leo how he got the little man. Still silent, Leo hands her a genie bottle.

Paige, forgetting that she's encountered a genie before, grabs the bottle and decides to make a wish. After all, she is having money problems.

"Genie," she says as she rubs the bottle, "I'd like a million bucks."

Poof! Suddenly the sound of raucous quacking fills the air. Confused, Paige leaves the kitchen only to find poultry filling the other rooms of the manor. There are so many she can't even see the floor.

"What? Is this genie deaf? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Leo sighs, rolls his eyes, and says, "Of course he's deaf. Do you really think I'd wish for a twelve-inch pianist?"

---

Paige, Piper, and Prue are walking along one day and come across a magic lamp. The three pick it up and inspect it. All of a sudden, French Stewart pops out and says that he is a genie and will grant them three wishes, yadda yadda yadda.

Piper, Paige, and Prue decide that since all three of them found the genie then should each get one wish. French Stewart agrees but wans them about the catch, "Whatever you wish for, your other sister Phoebe gets double."

First up is Piper, she pauses for a second and then says, "I wish for a million dollars!"

BAM!

A huge sack of money appears in Piper's hand and sure enough, Phoebe who is back at the Manor, gets two huge sacks of money.

Paige goes next. She pauses and then states, "I wish for a BMW."

BAM!

One BMW appears for Paige and back at the Manor two appear in the driveway for Phoebe.

Last up is Prue. She thinks for a minute and then says, "I know exactly what I want."

French Stewart says "Ask and ye shall recieve, but remember the catch."

Prue steps up, smiles, and says "I wish I was only half-dead."

---

Press release by the WB: "We have decided that due to the overload of trashy shows and promotions, we must rejuvinate this channel with good storylines and appearances by respected stars of Hollywood, and dress the actors in tasteful and classy clothing."

Alyssa Milano didn't know what "tasteful and classy clothing" meant.

Neither did Eilish.

Rose McGowan didn't know what "appearance" meant.

Brad Kern didn't know what "storylines" meant. Come to think of it, he didn't know what "good" meant either.

---

The Charmed Ones have to fight a demon in South America, so Paige, Phoebe, Piper, and the now just human Cole, charter a small plane to take them there. While they are flying over the mountains, the pilot, who is the only other person on the plane, makes an announcement:

"I'm sorry, one of our four engines has broken. We're losing height, and won't get over the mountains. We need to lose weight. One of you must jump off. I can't, I'm the pilot. We've nothing else we can throw out. We've no parachute. Whoever jumps will die."

So Phoebe stands up, walks to the door, opens it, and says, "I know my levitation power won't save me at this height, but hey, I can sacrifice myself for my sisters. Charmed Ones Forever!"

And she jumps out.

Unfortunately a few minutes later, the pilot makes another announcement:

"I am so sorry, you guys. Another engine has broken. Someone else must jump."

So Piper stands up, walks to the door, and with a heroic "Charmed Ones forever!" follows her dear sister.

But yes, you've guessed it, the third engine breaks, and after many apologies, the pilot makes another announcement:

"One of you guys must jump."

So Paige, without heisitation, stands up, walks to the door, shouts "Charmed Ones Forever!" - and throws Cole out.

---

Phoebe goes to her doctor. Both her ears are burnt. The doctor asks her what has happened to her ears.

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang", says Phoebe. "But instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh, dear!" the doctor exclaims in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"

Phoebe sighs. "Leslie called back!"

---

Phoebe got a bit sensitive because there were rumours that she was looking overweight. So she goes to the doctor.

The doctor puts her on a diet: "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, then repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

The next time Phoebe goes to the doctor, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

Phoebe nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?", said the doctor.

"No," said Phoebe. "from skipping."

---

The sisters, Cole and Leo are all in the living room, chatting or reading:

"Hey," Phoebe whispers to Piper, "I bet I can make you're boyfriend Leo really wild with happiness."

"Oh, yes?" says Piper, "I bet you can't."

So Phoebe stands up, walks to the middle of the room, and does this really sexy, erotic dance. Leo looks very happy.

"Well," says Piper back to her, "I bet I can make your boyfriend Cole wild with happiness too."

"Oh yeah?" says Phoebe, "I bet you can't."

So Piper stands up, walks over to Prue .. and knocks her out.

---

Before the end of Season 3, Prue has a terrible row with Phoebe.

"I don't like your boyfriend Cole," says Prue. "He's no good, and I'm sure he cheats on you."

"I don't believe it," says Phoebe, livid with rage. "Prove it!"

"Okay I will," says Prue.

It happens that Cole was going to attend a Halloween party. So Prue dresses up in a Little Red Riding Hood outfit, hiding her face with a mask.

She goes to the party, and there's Cole, in the form of the big red Balthazor. Prue's sure he will be evil as Balthazor, so she goes up to him, pretending to be a stranger.

They dance and talk, and eventually Prue gets him to go with her to a quiet room. Prue switches off the light so Balthazor can't see her face, and removes her mask. They get all kissy and huggy and do all kinds of romantic things that I won't mention here.

The next morning Prue tells Phoebe what happened. So when Cole cames to the Manor Phoebe confronts him.

"And how," asks Phoebe, "did your party go last night?"

"Oh," says Cole, "it was boring."

"Oh yeah," says Phoebe, staring at him.

"Yeah," says Cole, "in fact, I went home early and watched TV. Maybe I should have stayed."

"Why is that?" asks Phoebe.

"Because this guy named Brad Kern went in the Balthazor costume and I hear he had a fantastic time."

---

At the end of Season 3, Prue, Phoebe and Piper all die and go to heaven. St. Peter explains that each of them will get a car to drive around heaven, because it's a big place. They will be given a car according to how faithful to their boyfriends they have been.

Prue is given a battered old Dodge, because although Andy loved her, she never went out with him and kept looking for other men.

Phoebe is given a Toyota station-wagen, because she loved Cole so very much, although she never married him.

But Piper is given a top-of-the-range Ferrari, because she loved Leo so much, married him even though it was forbidden, and never thought about another man.

Everything goes okay, until one day, Phoebe and Prue find Piper in floods of tears.

"What's wrong, honey?" asks Phoebe.

"Oh, I'm so sad," says Piper, "I just saw Leo drive by......on a skateboard."

---

One day Cole is in the house and he hears lots of noise from the living room. He rushes in and the 3 sisters are having a terrible argument about which one is the most powerful.

Finally Prue loses her (short) temper. She starts using her telekinetic power, and throws furniture around the room, smashes mirrors, makes holes in the walls, and does an awful lot of damage.

Then she walks up to Phoebe. "Who is the most powerful of all?"

"You are," says a scared Phoebe.

Then Prue walks up to Piper. "Who is the most powerful of all?"

"You are," says a scared Piper.

Then Prue walks up to Cole. "Who is the most powerful of all?"
.
Cole turns into Balthazar, and grabs Prue by her ankles. He whirls her around his head, and then bashes her several times into the wall. She drops to the ground. After a few minutes she gets up and dusts herself down.

"Okay," she says, "no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer."

---

The three sisters obtain this magic mirror. If you told it the truth, it would give you a million dollars. If you told it a lie, 'poof' it would swallow you up in a magical cloud of smoke.

According to some, Prue is the most intelligent sister, Phoebe is the most vivacious sister, and Piper........is the best cook.

But being sisters, they are all jealous of each other.

Prue walks up to the mirror. "I think I'm the most vivacious women in the world." 'Poof', she vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

Piper walks up to the mirror. "I think I am the most intelligent person in the world." 'Poof', she vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

Phoebe walks up to the mirror. "I think ........." 'Poof', she vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

---

P3 was doing bad financially, so the sisters had very little money left.

One day, Piper gives some money to Paige.

"Here are two 100 dollar bills," she says. "It's all of our money. Take it to the magic shop, and buy the ingredients for our spells. We have a dangerous demon to fight."

Paige takes the two bills and leaves. She doesn't come back, so Piper sends Cole out to look for her. He finds her in an alley. She has been attacked and hurt, and she can't walk.

"What happened?" he asks
.
"I was mugged," she whispered. "The mugger stole one of the bills. But luckily I managed to hide the other 100 dollar bill."

Cole looks at the bill she's holding. "I see. But why didn't you call out for Leo to come and help you?"

"I can hardly talk. I tried to shout for help, but no one can hear me in this alley."

"Yes, I can see that," says Cole.

So he grabs the other 100 dollar bill and runs off.

---

Everyone wants to know how Prue *really* died. Well Cole and Prue go out hunting demons, and as the other sisters couldn't join them, they bring guns with them.

Piper is in the Manor when the phone rings. It's Cole.

"Oh, dear, Prue has had a terrible accident.

"Oh no!" screams Piper. "What's happened?"

"We were chasing a demon, and the guns weren't having any effect. Then the demon climbed up the side of this tall building. Prue tried to climb up after it, but half-way up she slipped, and fell to the hard concrete below. I think she's dead."

Ok, calm down", says Piper. "The first thing you have to do is make sure she's dead."

There's a pause, followed by the sound of a gun-shot.

"Ok, I'm sure she's dead", says Cole. "What now?"

---

During the third season of Charmed, Leo is asked to deliver a speach about his witches to the Powers that Be. Each story he tells is to include a moral.

He stands in front of the crowd, and is introduced by a senior Whitelighter.

"I'd first like to tell a story about Piper," Leo says. "She needed to get some rare ostrich eggs as part of a potion she was brewing. So she went to the zoo and got 20 eggs. She put them in a basket, but on the way home she tripped. The eggs fell out of the basket and they all got broken."

"That's a very good story," says the senior Whitelighter. "And the moral of that story is, don't put all your eggs in one basket?"

"Yes," Leo agrees. "And now I'd like to tell you a story about Phoebe. She was chasing this demon who ran to the top of a building. The demon ran along the roof and jumped. Phoebe was about to jump after it, and use her levitation power to lower herself down to the ground and keep running after it. Then she stopped, and carefully looked over the edge of the roof. The demon could fly, and was hovering there, waiting to ambush her. She vanquished the demon with a spell."

"Another good story," says the senior Whitelighter. "And the moral of that story is, of course, look before you leap?"

"Yes," agrees Leo. "And now I'd like to finish with a story about Prue. She was using a flying spell to chase some demons, and was flying high overhead when one of the demons struck her with a magic lightning bolt. She started to fall. All she had with her was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 fierce demons. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Wow, that's quite a story," says the senior Whitelighter. "But tell me, what's the moral?"

"The moral is," said Leo, "stay the hell away from Prue when she's drunk."

---

During the time Cole was good, the Elders were worried that the Charmed Ones might be getting too soft. They decided to test them to see if they really had the killer instinct, and Leo had to carry out the test.

Leo gathered Phoebe, Piper and Paige in the living room. There was a huge box there with a door in the front.

"Now," Leo explained, "the Elders have made Cole completely human. He's inside that box, tied to a chair and helpless. Phoebe, I want you to take this gun, go inside the box and kill Cole. Then you will be a true Charmed One."

"I can't," Phoebe said. "I love Cole and if he's human this would really kill him." She ran crying from the room.

"Failed," Leo shouted. "Okay Piper, your turn."

"Very well," Piper said. "She took the gun, opened the door, and went inside the box. There was silence. She came out. "I'm sorry," she said, "I just can't do it."

"Failed," Leo shouted. "Okay Paige, let's see if you can do any better."

Paige took the gun from Piper's hand and went inside the box, shutting the door behind her. There was the sound of six shots. Then there were lots of crashing and thumping noises. Then silence.

Paige came out. "I'm sorry it took so long," she said, "but the gun was loaded with blanks, so I had to beat him to death."

---

Alyssa dies and ends up in Hell.

"There's been a mix-up," Satan (who looks a lot like Brad Kern) says. "You're supposed to be in Heaven. But I can't send you back. What I can do is let you choose the punishment you'll have to endure for all eternity. Behind those 3 doors are 3 different types of punishment. You must choose one."

Satan opens the first door. Inside the room is Rose, and three demons keep dipping her in boiling oil.

"Oh no, I don't want that punishment for all eternity," Alyssa says.

Satan opensd the second door. Inside the room Holly is being stretched on a rack.

"Oh no, I don't want that punishment for all eternity," Alyssa says
.
Satan opens the final door. Inside the room is Shannen. She's chained to the wall. Julian keeps dancing in front of her. He'd go up to her and kiss her on the lips, then he'd dance some more, then he'd go up to her and kiss her on the lips again.

Alyssa turns to the devil. "Okay Satan, I'll take that punishment for all eternity."

Satan said "Okay," then turns and shouts into the room, "Julian, your replacement's here."

---

When Phoebe went to school on her first day, she had a good day. That evening she saw her big sister, Prue.

"Prue, today at school we learned how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! That's good isn't it?"

"Yes honey, very good," said Prue.

"Is that because I'm a Halliwell? Cuz, you're smart, sis, and you're a Halliwell."

"Yes, it's because you're a Halliwell."

The next day after school Phoebe saw her sister again. "Prue, today at school we learned the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K ! That's good, isn't it?"

"Yes sister darling, very good."

"Is that because I'm a Halliwell, Prue?"

"Yes, sis, it's because you're a Halliwell."

The next day, Phoebe returned from school and once again saw her sister. She was crying. "Prue, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She whips off her top and proceeds to flash her impressive figure. "Is that because I'm a Halliwell, Prue?"

"No honey, it's because you're 28."

---

Piper has a little girl, whom she calls Petal. The girl grows up into a powerful young teenage witch. One day Petal comes home from school, and finds everyone gone. She suspects foul play, and casts a spell to summon the Oracle.

"Okay," says Petal, "tell me where my mother is, or I'll vanquish you"

"Your mother had to visit a friend."

Petal suspects the Oracle is not telling the truth. "Okay," says Petal, "tell me where my father is."

"Your father is eating in a restaurant in New York City," says the Oracle.

"Aha," says Petal. "Now I know you are lying. At this moment, my dad is visiting the Elders."

"Your mother's husband is visiting the Elders," says the Oracle. "Your father just had a hamburger and fries."

---

Piper: "I don't think Phoebe really understands my freezing power. Yesterday she asked me to make her ice-cream colder"

---

Phoebe talking to Prue about Cole, before they found out he was a demon: "Come on, he's really cute. Admit it, if I wasn't dating him, you'd go for him."

Prue: ""Pheebs, if he were the last man alive on this planet I'd date outside my species."

---

Leo: "The style of the Charmed Ones when they fight their battles reminds me of Columbus. When he set out, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there, he didn't know where he was. When he got back, he didn't know where he had been."

[matthew]

Whoa! Es, you have certainly crossed the "Two jokes Per Post!" However I'll let you off as Most of the Jokes were funny.

Alright, Here is another Joke:

VENTRILOQUIST AND WYATT(dumb blonde)

One day Piper books a young ventriloquist to do a show in her club for a charity and she placed Wyatt In charge for the night. The ventriloquist begin his show as usual with his dummy on his knee.

He's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when Wyatt got pissed off and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde’s that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with their worth as a human being? Sh!t heads like you who keep blonde’s like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but men and women in general...and all in the name of fucking humor!''

The ventriloquist gets embarrassed and begins to apologize, while a hottie in the front row winks at Wyatt, who nods before yelling, ''Dude, You stay out of this, I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

[Esmeralda]

LOL, that's a good one! ANd if you'd had it been about Phoebe or Paige when they were blondes, it would've been even funnier! I always did think that peroxide went straight to their brains.

Also, you're right; I'm afraid I broke that two-jokes-a-post rule quite a bit, but I think you can understand why I couldn't choose just two.

Here's a new one based on a favorite of mine.

PIPER'S DECISION

It's been 10 years since the Final Battle and Piper is now a highly-successful executive, running a full chain of her very popular restaurants. One day while walking down the street she is tragically hit by a bus and she dies.

Her soul arrives up in heaven where she is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. To Piper's surprise, he looks very much like a much-older Leo.

"Welcome to Heaven, Piper," greets St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem," Piper replies. "Just let me in."

"Well, I'd like to, Piper, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've already made up my mind," Piper replies. "I'd really prefer to stay in Heaven."

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter puts Piper in an elevator and it goes down-down-down to Hell.

The doors open and Piper finds herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance is a country club and standing in front of her are all of Piper's friends - fellow executives that she has worked with while running P3 and her restaurants and they are all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They run up and kiss Piper on both cheeks and they talk about old times. They all play an excellent round of golf and at night go to the country club where Piper enjoys an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She meets the Devil who is actually a really nice guy (and very good-looking--he looks just like Cole, who, deep in her heart, Piper always wishes she'd met before she met Leo) and she has a great time telling jokes and dancing. She is having such a good time that before she knows it, it's time to leave. Everybody shakes her hand and waves good- bye as she gets on the elevator.

The elevator goes up-up-up and opens back up at the Pearly Gates and Piper finds St. Peter waiting for her. "Now, Piper, it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he says.

So Piper spends the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She has a great time and before she knows it her 24 hours are up and St. Peter comes and gets her.

"So, Piper," he says, "You've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."

Piper pauses for a second and then replies, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and again she goes down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator open she finds herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She sees her friends are dressed in rags and are picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. But he no longer looks like Cole; now he looks like Bethazor.

"I don't understand," Piper stammers. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at her and smiles. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."

[matthew]

Lol, thats a funny one! Damn Piper, Heaven is always better than Hell, no matter how tempeting or great it may have looked. Hahaha....

Here is Another Wyatt and Chris Joke: At P3

One night Wyatt was at P3, having a good time, Chris, who was behind the bar and now the new owner of P3, offered him another drink. As he served the drink Wyatt spoke up.

"Hey Chris, You like betting right?"

"Maybe, why, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'll bet you 1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss into it without spilling a drop."

Chris thought to himself, "Wyatt must be so drunk! There's no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made and a chance for Wyatt to get embarrassed in front of others." So Chris says, "Okay Wyatt. You're on."

Chris walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Wy, Let's see what you got." Wyatt unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Chris. Chris roared with laughter and almost fell over.

Afterwards he noticed that Wyatt was sitting at the bar smiling. "What are you smiling at jackass? You just lost 1,000!"

"Well Chrissy boy, you see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well I just bet him 10,000 that I could piss all over you bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad...you would laugh hysterically about it."

[Esmeralda]

Can't think of a new one right now, but had to say I thoroughly enjoyed that one--reminded me of Piper on the airplane and the guy who wouldn't let her rest...

[matthew]

Haha, cheers here is another ONe, Just 4 Ya.

The Charmed ones were flying in a plane, soon they got bored and decided to have fun by dropping some stuff on the town they were flying over. Paige dropped a book, Piper dropped a brick, and Phoebe dropped a bomb, just for fun but then realised the mistake she made. So they landed, to survey the damage they caused.

The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book, Paige breathed out in relief. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick, at this Piper breathed out in relief. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off.

"What's so funny?" they asked him.

"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbour’s house blew up."

[Esmeralda]

ROFLMAO! Now *that's* a good one!

[matthew]

Come on Guys, try your share of funny Jokes, it doesnt have to be great. trying is all that it matters!

[Esmeralda]

I'm not sure how well this will translate to the Charmed Ones, but it's one of my favorite jokes, so I'm gonna try.

Up in Heaven, Jesus was a bit bored, so he went to the Heavenly Gates and told St. Peter that he was going to welcome the newcomers and St. Peter agreed.

Well, it so happened that down on Earth, there was a car crash and all three Charmed Ones were killed. Naturally they all went to Heaven. Being Christians despite being witches, naturally they recognized Jesus.

Piper was the first one to walk up.

"Now, my daughter," Jesus tells her. "Before you're allowed into your heavenly reward, you must answer one question."

"Yes, Lord, I understand. What is the question?"

"Who was the first man?"

"Oh, that's easy! That was Adam!"

Well, the bells ring, the birds sing, the gates swing open and Piper walks through.

Next to walk up is Paige. Same thing happens but this time the question is "Who was the first woman?"

"Oh, that's easy! That was Eve!"

And the bells ring, the birds sing, the gates swing open and Paige walks through.

Finally Phoebe walks up. Same thing happens but this time the question is, "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"

Well, Phoebe thinks about it and thinks about it and thinks about it AND THINKS ABOUT IT!

Finally she yells out, "JESUS CHRIST! IS THAT A HARD ONE!"

The bells ring, the birds sing, the gates swing open and Phoebe walks through.

[matthew]

HahahaHHAHAHA, I didnt get it at first, but my brain eventually caught Up and I was laughing my head off ROFL..hahaha.

Here is another one of Wyatt being an Blonde I just love Wyatt.

Wyatt had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

The next day he saw Chris come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, Wyatt picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw figures around and made giant commitments.

Chris chats with a guy who also walks into the outer office, as Wyatt saw both men looking at his way, he made even bigger commotion as he banged his fist in the table and walked around the office.

Finally he hung up when Chris walked into the office. ''hey, Chris, how can I help you and who is the guy you are talking to?''

“Oh, that guy...Yeah, he told me he just came to activate your phone lines.”'

[Esmeralda]

Hehehe! Those are the jokes that I love the best; the ones you have to think about, and then you go OH!!! And, oh, yes, dumb blond jokes are almost as much fun as dumb blonde jokes! Besides, I love the idea of Wyatt growing up dumb!

Chris looked at his laptop screen and sighed. "MOM! Wyatt's been using my laptop again!"

"I did not!" insisted Wyatt

"Oh, yes, he did!"

"How can you tell?" Piper asked.

"Coz he's such a rotten typist and he always uses white-out!"

[matthew]

Okay, im kinda little dumb at the moment....cause i didnt understand that joke. ..... er....

Here is another one:

At Magic school, as usual Chris was teaching the pre-school children. Today he was teaching them, the names of the animals as some children in the class came across a picture of a deer.

So Chris asks one of the child, “What is this animal called ?”

“I dunno,” claims Bobby.

So Chris thinks for a minute and then says, “I'll give you a hint—it's what your mother calls your father.”

The boy thinks for a minute and then says, “Oh that's what a son of a bitch looks like!”