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Post by Esmeralda on Dec 2, 2009 0:39:51 GMT
Are you sure you're not blond?? *Sigh* Seriously, I was afraid that joke might not translate to the Halliwells. But think about it--Chris sees his laptop's screen covered with whiteout (or do you guys call it liquid paper), so of course he knows that Wyatt was using his laptop. Think about it... Hope this one works better: Phoebe was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over. The policeman walks up to the car and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration." Phoebe looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you?"
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Post by matthew on Dec 3, 2009 0:48:36 GMT
Hey, I got the second one....its funny..HAHAHAHHAHHAHA....but still little dumb on the first one....dnt worry.
Here is Wyatt and Chris Joke:
One day eight year old Wyatt and four year old Chris went into grocery story. The eight year old Wyatt grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier smiles and asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The eight-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" but Wyatt responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?"
The eight-year old Wyatt smiles and says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"
The eight-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."
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Post by Esmeralda on Dec 3, 2009 2:30:21 GMT
hehehehe Very good! It reminded me of another one. Hopefully this one will translate.
The sisters are fighting a demon. Although they succeed in vanquishing it, Phoebe ends up getting her hands broken. Leo shows up and heals them.
"As good as new!" he tells her.
She looks at them. "Can I play the piano now?"
"Of course."
"Good, because I couldn't before."
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Post by matthew on Dec 3, 2009 12:01:32 GMT
Lol, that was quite funny...can I play Piano now? hahah
Here is another Joke: Chris, Potential & Reality
Chris comes home from school one day with a writing assignment. He asks Leo for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
Leo looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
Chris was puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Tom Cruise?"
"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
Chris goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."
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Post by Esmeralda on Dec 5, 2009 16:23:54 GMT
hehehe! Although you should've had Chris ask Phoebe rather than his sister--by the time Prudence Melinda is old enough to think of sex, Brad Pitt will be MUCH too old for her!
Have you noticed that you like to give Wyatt a bad time about being a blond and I like to give Phoebe a bad time about once being a blonde? hehehe
But we've forgotten another blonde in the family--speaking of Prudence Melinda--in Progeny, *she's* one!
So here's a Dumb Pru joke:
Pru is sitting in her high school civics class--they are discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural-born citizen and at least 35 years old.
Pru begins complaining about how unfair it is to require the candidate to be a natural-born citizen. In her opinion, that makes it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. Pru goes on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural-born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
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Post by matthew on Dec 6, 2009 15:24:07 GMT
lOL but I love Wyatt, over all. Haha< pru, dumb joke cracked me up - Natural born citizen and C-section, at first I was confused of where you were taking the joke but then when I got to the end, I was cracking up. Hahah. Okay here is one of Wyatt and Pru Blonde dumb Joke: Renovating the ManorOne day Wyatt and Pru were fixing the Manor after a heavy demon battle. Chris and Pru was cutting the woods and Wyatt was on a ladder nailing. Before hammering in a nail; Wyatt would reach into his nail pouch, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to hammer it into the wood. Chris and Pru confused, watched him do this and after while Chris couldn't take it no longer yelled up, "Why the %@#& are you throwing some of the nails away?!" "Whoa! Don't yell!" Wyatt said before explaining, "If it's pointed toward me when I pull it out of my pouch, I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it safely! Duh!" Pru andChris became irate at this point and started to call him all kinds of names, referencing how stupid he was, espeically Pru, who was moaning, how he was the reason blonde's get a bad rap for being dumb. Pru couldnt stand the thought, looked up and explained the importance of keeping all the nails, "Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house! Duh!" "Oh" Wyatt replied back Happily as Chris looked from one blonde to another with unbelieveable look.
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Post by Esmeralda on Dec 15, 2009 1:56:26 GMT
LOL, poor Chris, getting stuck with two dumb blond(e) siblings!
Just heard another blonde joke and *had* to translate it to Season 3 Phoebe; it just fits her so well!
The company that makes Tickle Me Elmo toys put a new factory in San Francisco. Tickle Me Elmo are big bright red stuffed animals that giggles when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, it's near Christmastime and Phoebe wants to be able to buy her sisters (and Cole) presents, so she applies at the new factory and gets hired. She reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the twp men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Phoebe surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Phoebe.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...
"'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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Post by matthew on Dec 15, 2009 18:34:03 GMT
LOL that was funny, here is another blonde joke;
Chris took his sister Pru (blonde) to her first football game. They had great seats right at the fifty yard line. It was exciting too, a real nail biter. After the game, he asked her if she had a good time.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tightpants and all the big muscles, but... I just couldn't understand why they were all killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, Chris asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
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Post by Esmeralda on Feb 2, 2010 21:37:10 GMT
hehehehe, that's a good one, and appropriate with the Super Bowl next Sunday...
Wyatt and Henry Jr are talking:
Wyatt: My little sister is a real pain.
Henry Jr: Well, it could be worse.
Wyatt: How?
Henry Jr: She could be like my sisters--twins!
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Post by matthew on Feb 2, 2010 22:33:36 GMT
The future = 2059 - The P3 has been developed into a huge bar, where its now a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. One day at P3, a guy is sitting at a bar drinking. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him.
The astonished and shocked guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!".
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy got very excited and decides to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila, when Phoebe comes up to him and says, "You’re a real bitch when you're drunk Wyatt."
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Post by Lexi on Feb 9, 2010 22:32:36 GMT
Love the jokes, they've made me giggle so much.
I don't have any jokes though but I wanted to clear something and hopefully Matt will understand one of the jokes.
I'm guessing your Whiteout is what we call Tipex. The thing you use to cover a mistake you've made on paper so you can write over it?
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Post by Esmeralda on Feb 9, 2010 22:59:08 GMT
Ah! That's the reason why he didn't get it. You're absolutely right. Maybe the joke will make sense now, although when jokes are explained, they're usually not that funny.
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Post by matthew on Feb 26, 2010 0:27:40 GMT
But to be honest, I kinda got it after Lexi explained it. Lol. Very Funny.
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Post by matthew on Dec 30, 2011 19:05:41 GMT
OKay SInce its Nearly New Year and ALL - I shall Post a Wyatt and Chris Jokes: Feel FRee to Join in to Add your Jokesm guys! Come on! First One: The Easiest Grant!One night Wyatt was at P3, having a good time, Chris, who was behind the bar and now the new owner of P3, offered him another drink. As he served the drink Wyatt spoke up. "Hey Chris, You like betting right?" "Maybe, why, what did you have in mind?" "Well, I'll bet you 1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss into it without spilling a drop." Chris thought to himself, "Wyatt must be so drunk! There's no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made and a chance for Wyatt to get embarrassed in front of others." So Chris says, "Okay Wyatt. You're on." Chris walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Wy, Let's see what you got." Wyatt unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Chris. Chris roared with laughter and almost fell over. Afterwards he noticed that Wyatt was sitting at the bar smiling. "What are you smiling at jackass? You just lost 1,000!" "Well Chrissy boy, you see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check?" "Yeah, what about him?" "Well I just bet him 10,000 that I could piss all over you bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad...you would laugh hysterically about it." Second: Henry Jnr At P3One day drunk Henry Jnr staggers into a P3 and says to Wyatt 'Id like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!' Wyatt surprised, makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells 'CHEERS!' and down their drinks. Wyatt says "That'll be $37.50." Henry Jnr says. 'I dont have any money.' This pisses Wyatt off, who jumps over the bar and beats the crap out of Henry Jnr and has Chris throw him out. The next day, Henry Jnr once again walks back in drunk and says. 'I'd like to buy everyone a drink and get one for yourself too.' Wyatt figured, him being cousin that he may acted harsh and gives HEnry Jnr the benefit of the doubt. So he makes the drink and they all say 'SALUTE!' and down their drinks. Wyatt then turns to Henry Jnr and says 'That'll be $42.59.' To this, Henry Jnr replies by putting his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers and making a loud raspberry noise followed by, "I dont have any money!" - This totally pisses Wyatt off way beyond the first time round, Wyatt jumps over the bar and beats the Sh!t out of Henry and throws Henry Jnr out of the club himself. The Next day, HEnry Jnr once agian walks in Drunk but before he can say anything, Wyatt says 'Let me guess, you want to buy the whole club a drink and get one for myself too, right?" To this Henry Jnr replies. 'Noo Way, you get too violent when you drink!" Third one: Wyatt's Beer!Wyatt, on his night out to celebrate the upcoming new year at P3 orders a drink from the bar, but after a moment, he needs to use the bathroom, but not wanting anyone to steal his drink, he puts a note up saying 'I spat on this beer, do not drink!' then He leaves. After few minutes, he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying. 'So Did I!' Fourth One: Wyatt's New talking Clock Proudly showing off his new apartment to Chris, late one night. Wyatt, Whose quite drunk leads Chris to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. Chris confused asks 'Whats the brass gong for?' To this Wyatt replies 'Its not a gong. Its a talking clock!' Stunned, Chris asks 'A talking clock? Hows does it work?' With a gleeful grin, Wyatt says 'Watch this!' As CHris watched, Wyatt took the hammer and gave the gong a ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed. "Hey, You Jerk. Its 3.00 in the morning!" More will Come soon but do your part tooo. Come on!
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